Coming to terms with heartbreak and disappointments

While the Law course kept Abhilasha occupied, Shouvik remained busy preparing for West Bengal Civil Services exam. Once in a while, he came to her college to meet her. But he was as confused as ever. Shouvik continued meeting Abhilasha but was not willing to leave the other girl. By now, Abhilasha had started realising that their relationship did not have any future.
“Don’t you think it’s high time that you decide once and for all?” one morning Abhilasha confronted Shouvik. “How long do you expect me to carry on like this?
“I know…but I need some more time,” replied Shouvik.
Not that she was expecting any different answer from him but still she felt let down.
“How much more time do you want Shouvik?” she asked.
“Well…I really don’t know,” he said.
“Then who knows?’ the tension had started building inside her. So finally the moment of reality-check had come which she had been dreading for so long. A part of her mind told her to hold on, but the other part forced her to go ahead. Why was she allowing herself to be fooled by Shouvik even now? The compelling reason of ‘waiting till the exam gets over’ did not hold good any more. It had been more than two months since her last paper. ‘Be strong Abhilasha don’t let him play with your life any more,’ she said to herself.
“Do I take it that it’s all over now between us?” she heard herself asking him. But why was she asking when she already knew the answer? Was she expecting a miracle to happen to change his mind?
“I really don’t know what to say. Sorry for messing up your life. I leave it to you now. You got to decide for yourself,” said Shouvik, avoiding eye contact with her.
She looked at him, trying to read his mind through his body language. Was he sad or indifferent? She could not make out. No doubt he looked grim but was she the reason for it? Did she ever figure in his list of priorities? Had he ever thought of her? Was he really feeling helpless or it was just a pretension? One doubt after another filled her mind in succession. How conveniently he had washed off his hand by saying it was up to her to decide! So….there was no escape from the fact that the time to formally break up had arrived. Both of them sat silently. A few college students were having an animated discussion. A young couple sat two tables away. A provocative smile showed up on the boy’s face while the girl giggled. The waiter came with a tea pot and two sets of cups and saucers.
“Do you want me to pour it for you ma’am?” he asked. Abhilasha shook her head. He kept the pot on the table and went away. The tea pot remained untouched, as none of them felt like drinking.
“Well”... Shouvik tried to break the impasse but could not find any word.
“So…..we are breaking up today if that is what you want,” her voice quivered. How much effort it took, to utter the most difficult sentence of her life!
“Don’t say that Abhilasha. You know I have never wanted you to go away but……..” he could not complete the sentence.
“But what?” she asked.
“Please try to understand my situation,” he said.
“Wish you could understand my situation as well. Any way, good bye Shouvik,” she collected her belongings and stood up. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Damn it! Please.... please God help me to control my emotion. This guy doesn’t deserve this and I mustn’t make a scene here,” she prayed to God and hurriedly came out of the restaurant. But no amount of effort could hold back her tears, which trickled down her cheeks. Her vision got blurry. She fished out a handkerchief from her bag. As luck would have it, it was the same one which Shouvik had bought for her in an exhibition. He did not let her pay the bill, when the lady in the shop packed a set of six nicely embroidered handkerchiefs.
“Let me pay for it,” she had protested.
“Hey come-on. It’s just a trivial amount,” Shouvik had dismissed her request.
“But it’s not the amount but the stuff,” she had said.
“What about the stuff?” Shouvik had squinted his eyes.
“Well it’s a common saying, never gift a hanky to anyone unless you want to lose that person,” she had replied.
“What nonsense! A student of Philosophy and talking such trash!” he had phooh poohed her concern.
“I know….but at times superstition goes deep and I don’t want to lose you,” she had said.
“Do you think I am ever going to leave you? Never ever think so. Don’t make an issue out of it. Allow me to pay,” he had insisted and cleared the bill. Now as she remembered that incident, Abhilasha wondered could their break up been avoided if she did not let him pay? She hesitated for a moment whether she should wipe off her tear with the same hanky which came with the promise of an ever lasting relationship.......